Thank God for Middle Names

The woman asked me to complete an online security check, criminal background, that sort of thing. I was a little surprised as the woman had yet to formally offer me a position writing for her. Of course I mentally went over my background, just in case I had indeed robbed a bank or committed check fraud. Nope, nothing. It wasn't until I pressed "send" that something DID pop into my head!
A few years ago I was busy googling my name, hoping to find it via my electronic articles which had just begun to appear. I did find me under the name I use, my middle name, Sebastian. I was much-teased by friends when I introduced myself as they considered it a pretentious idea. After reading this, however, you will see WHY it's a good thing I am known by my middle name! Upon finding my name on google I was thrilled! Had there been champagne lying around I might have cracked it open. "I'm a writer," I beamed. "And if someone doesn't believe me here I am, with a headshot below my name!" Quite happy at my find I began to google other long-lost friends, relations, school mates from grade school through high school and college. I found a few things, but for the most part I only found similar names on genealogy websites, a reference to someone's ancestor, a town in Europe where their family name originated, etc. Then I thought, "Why not google your first name, see if there are any other Anthony Fortinos in the world?" I thought I would get a massive amount of Anthony Fortinos from Italy. I didn't find any overseas though, because their Anthony is Antonio. I found an Anthony Fortino in - of all places - Upstate New York, Oswego to be exact. I say of all places because a great-uncle did indeed move there, and I spent many childhood summers in Syracuse. I know his children however, or at least know of them, and neither of them are named Anthony. Intrigued by this other Anthony Fortino, I imagined emailing him, just because we have the same name. I dreamt of a friendship established, of being asked to share the story at dinner parties. I imagined adding him to my myspace and facebook, sending him Christmas cards and birthday greetings, just so I could write our names in both the return and mailing addresses. I know my family name is relatively rare, so we were probably distantly related. Then (and yes this was all before I clicked on his information) my heart swelled! Not knowing anything about him I thought what if, what if he's gay? What if, what if we could have a sign in front of our house someday that said Anthony Fortino 2 (squared, you see)? "Hysterical," I thought. "We'd constantly be opening each other's mail!" (Of course all legal documents, bank statements and the like come addressed to me with my first name.) Then, the final ridiculousness, what if we had adopted a child someday together? Could we possibly name him Anthony Fortino as well? A house with three Anthony Fortinos! That would be amazing!
These were all moot points however. When I clicked on the link pertaining to him what did I find? This young man, this Anthony Fortino, this possible distant relation, this possible lover, this possible Anthony Fortino of the sign in front of the house who would open my mail and raise a child named Anthony Fortino with me was on trial for murder! Yup! Apparently he was involved with a murder in Oswego. I won't divulge all the details, as I don't really know them. Coming back to the criminal background check request I googled him again. Time has of course changed things, including my namesake's personal life. Whereas a few years ago when I stumbled upon him he had just been arrested, now however he had been put on trial and sentenced twenty-five years to LIFE! Instead of an article on the subject there was now an excerpt from a local, Oswego news station. I got to hear what it would be like to be sentenced twenty-five years to life, by a judge. I laughed, I reflected on my own life, and how my friends' teasing me for being pretentious and using my middle name had been a good idea after all. I posted the video on facebook and imagined friends say, "We always knew you'd come to a bad end!" Of course I am disappointed we didn't end up becoming friends. Sad there is no laughing at dinner parties when asked to repeat the history of our friendship and how we met.
Then...I remembered the lady and the background check. Having a momentary lapse of reason - i.e., our addresses and social security numbers and dates of birth are not the same and the fact that I am not IN prison - I emailed her straight away.
"Please, please realize I am not the Anthony Fortino of Oswego, New York currently serving twenty-five years to life for murder!" She responded within five minutes. "LOL, will keep that in mind! We look forward to getting your first piece!"